A Letter to My Heart
by LaurieLou
Summary: A one-shot based on best friends Edward and Bella, who go through a difficult time when he joins the Army and leaves her behind. Through constant letters from him they communicate in the only way they know how. Sexy Armyward alert.


**So RL has been kind of fuzzy lately and super busy. Somewhere in there I got writers block :( Yesterday I watched Dear John and I was inspired :) So here is a one-shot about first love, regret, coping, and more...**

**I hope you love it as much as I enjoyed writing it. (Well except the hours, from 9pm until 3:44am)**

**For me, this is my favourite piece of writing that I've done :)**

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**A Letter to My Heart**

~***(::)***~

"Come on Bella! Hurry up!" Alice screeched up the stairs.

"I'm coming!" I screamed, annoyed.

I was seriously regretting asking her to come over and help me get ready. Wanting to look nice for Sunday dinner at the Cullen's house I had nicely asked Alice to pick out an outfit. The Cullen house was a second home for me, Esme and Carlisle may as well have been my parents. They were certainly better than my own.

Charlie and Rennée Swan may have been my parents, given birth to me, but to call them my parents would be like calling Hitler my idol – well maybe not that severe. Chief Swan of Forks Police was well known to the public as being the perfect father but in our home he was just a miserable drunk who regretted marrying my mother. Rennée was no better; if she wasn't in bed with the local baseball player she was flirting with my dad's partner or drinking herself into oblivion with said father.

The Cullen home was my escape.

Esme and Carlisle were the perfect parents, with three beautiful children. Esme was the ultimate housewife and mother, everything was taken care of when she was around and she made the best chocolate chip cookies known to man. Carlisle; a doctor in the RAF was a very respectable man who has been in the forces since enlisting when he was eighteen. It's now twenty two years later.

Their children, Emmett, Alice and Edward are my siblings. Well, not biologically, obviously. Emmett – the eldest, his dark curly locks with big green eyes and the body of a wrestler was twenty years old and was studying Sports Medicine in college aiming to be the next employee of... well I don't know what team, I don't really follow football. Or is it baseball?

Alice – they youngest was a year younger than both Edward and I, only seventeen and she was a tiny little thing only reaching 5 foot 1. Her black spiky hair with red tips and light brown eyes that gave the cutest puppy eyes that you just can't say no to was the perfect trap into getting what she wanted. She may be tiny but she's the most manipulative person that I know. In her senior year of high school she was all but ready to start college studying Fashion and Design.

Now, my best friend in the whole entire world would be Edward. Every single time that I've cried, shouted or been scared, or angry, he's been there. Throughout everything Edward has stood by me. He was my best friend and the person I run to when I want some space but don't want to be alone. His crazy bronze hair, undecided if it's straight or curly defies gravity and stands up in every single direction. Running his hands through it every five minutes doesn't help the cause either. Deep enticing emerald green eyes held you captive in their gaze and his sharp jaw line, straight nose and pouty lips were an instant attraction of why every girl in our school fancied him. He had a body of muscle and was team captain on the track team. Edward was a gentleman and idolizes his father in every single way.

He is my constant and I am in love with him.

"Come on Bella!" Alice whined.

Rolling my eyes, I placed my funky flip-flops on, patted down my kaftan and gave myself an encouraging smile in the mirror which to be honest looked to be more of a grimace. Smiling unintentionally at my open window; I always left it open for whenever Edward wanted to come over, I tried to gently close my bedroom door but because it was broken and had been for the past seven months it slammed behind me, causing me to jump, frightened.

Walking slowly down my creaky stairs I glared at Alice, "You need to get some damn patience I was only up their five minutes!"

She glared a moment at me before her gaze turned to the floor and muttered something under her breath that sounded like, "Yeah, well, it felt like five hours."

"Whatever." I murmured and nudged her gently.

She smiled and looked down at my bag; a small frown appeared on her child like features, "Where are your clothes?"

Patting my bag, indicating that they were in fact in there, her frown became more pronounced.

"What?" Disbelief covered her voice, "It all fit in that _small _bag?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it small Alice." I informed her as I opened the brown leather woven basket bag with chiffon print scarf tie to prove that my dress and five inch heels were in there, neatly at that.

"No way!" She squeaked. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" I asked confused as I shoved my purse into the bag and grabbed my house keys off the side bench.

"Fit everything in such small spaces. It is so unfair. You don't even like shopping and packing." She moaned.

_Maybe it's from fitting into such small spaces myself? _I thought to myself.

I forced a laugh and ushered her out of the house ignoring the past out drunk on the couch. Locking up the house and depositing my keys in my bag we went over to Alice's glittering yellow Porsche that was parked haphazardly on my lawn. I stared out of the window with a nervous sigh and fiddled with the edges of my marble flower print kaftan.

After a few minutes when the car still didn't start I rolled my head against the window to look at Alice who was frowning at me. "They are going to love you."

"Who?" I scrunched my face, as though confused. Acting oblivious was always better.

Alice smiled knowingly at me and grabbed my hand squeezing it in her small one softly. "Don't sweat it my gramps' already think of you as family after the amount we talk about you. Especially the way Edward does."

My heat missed a beat at the mention of him talking about me. "What do you all say?"

"Well Emmett tells them you're clumsy and I say you're a freak-" She laughed jokingly, "-whilst my parents tell them that you are their surrogate daughter, because I clearly, am not enough." She pointed to herself in mock hurt.

"It's okay Alice," I patted her head condescendingly, "And we both know that I've always been better."

She gasped and poked her tongue out at me, batting my hand away from her spiky hair.

"Whatever bitch." She muttered and started the car.

I laughed and went back to looking out the window; different hues of green and blue passed through the window in a blur as Alice sped through the wilderness to the outskirts of town. Shimmers of sun peeked out through the over grown trees as we drove.

"So, urm...what does Edward say to the gramps'?" I tried to be discreet but when Alice looked at me, pointedly, I knew I was caught out.

It was a miracle for the sun to shine in Forks and we were going to make the most of it. Today was a hot day and I couldn't wait to dive into the Cullen's pool. I was wearing a marble flower print kaftan that reached mid thigh and had a v neck cut. Beneath I wore a pink beaded floral string bikini courtesy of Alice. My funky flip-flops matched the floral designs of my bikini and kaftan, a white base with blue and red flowers; a wooden hoop was glued on the outsides of each foot adding extra detail.

The plan was to hang in the pool for the morning with Emmett, his girlfriend Rosalie, her younger brother Jasper who was dating Alice and of course Edward would be there too. Esme and Carlisle were going to create a scrumptious platter of summer foods and barbecue some fish. Around two in the afternoon the grandparents were coming over to meet their grandchildren's' significant others.

Personally, I had known the Cullen's for twelve years, being six years old when Edward first banged a swing off my head in the play park. Yet I had never met the gramps'. I knew they were called Edward and Elizabeth Masen; they lived in Chicago and didn't really approve of Esme's marriage to Carlisle. Although Edward used to be a pilot in the RAF he never wanted that for his daughter's life. He wanted a working class man that had less of a chance of dying in a hostile country. Therefore they became estranged.

However the gramps' wanted to visit their granchildren, so they're coming. Emmett and Alice decided it would be great for Rosalie and Jazz to meet their grandparents and Edward didn't want to feel like an extra wheel so I was invited.

Alice pulled into her long circular drive with screech and high tailed it out of the car into the arms of Jasper who was waiting at the top steps of the front door.

I calmly opened my car door and stood up lifting my head up to the sun letting it warm my skin. I sighed sweetly and licked my lips practically able to taste the warm air. Opening my eyes I gazed at the always awing mansion in front of me.

The large brick home was an eight bedroom house with two sitting rooms, one kitchen, a music room, eleven bathrooms, a conservatory, a two acre garden and more. Saying the Cullen's were rich is an understatement.

I skimmed my eyes over the ever growing flower garden on my way up the drive to the front door and stopped to inhale the scent of sunflowers and freesias.

Closing the door behind me I leaned against it, staring at the grand foyer. A large crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, rainbow patters danced across the floor in a magical setting from the suns casting light. I smiled and looked at the pictures hung on the walls as I walked towards the kitchen.

There were many of the family and just as many different paintings of planes hung to classify Carlisle's glory days. I tapped my knuckles on the kitchen door absently and walked into the oversized room.

Esme and Carlisle stood by the sink washing vegetables, Alice was getting some freshly squeezed lemonade from the fridge and Jasper was grabbing glasses from a cupboard to the side. I could see Emmett and Rosalie already in the pool splashing about and laughing joyously.

Looking towards the island Edward sat shirtless, with red board shorts hunched over a piece of paper, a pencil scrapping across it in a rushed manner.

"Bella!" Esme called smiling at me.

"Esme," I walked over to her and kissed her cheek softly nodding to Jazz when he pointed a glass in my direction, offering a glass. "Yes please,"

"Why don't you look beautiful today Bella." Carlisle spoke softly, fatherly.

"Why thank you Daddy C." I teased.

He laughed and tried to swat me with the dish cloth in his hand but I dodged and skipped to the island and sat down next to Edward who had paused in his frantic writing. He was smiling at me, gazing at my outfit.

"Here you go." Alice piped up, placing two glasses of lemonade down on the island in front of Edward and me.

I observed as Esme winked at Alice and then her and Jazz hopped out the back door onto the patio, joining Emmett and Rise in the garden.

Aware that Edward was leaning towards me I smiled up at him, trying in vain not to stare at his glorious body. His green eyes were searching my face and he opened his mouth to speak, before shutting it again.

I cocked an eyebrow at him and he leaned into my cheek placing a soft, sweet, short kiss there. I could smell his woodsy scent and the minty tang of toothpaste as his breath swept across my face as he spoke against my cheek. "Looking beautiful as always Bella."

I couldn't help the blush that rose to my cheeks or the way my stomach clenched at his words. He was always saying simple nothings like that to me and every single time I could never control my body's reaction.

"Thank you." I muttered and took a gulp of my sweet lemonade.

His velvety chuckle greeted my ear before he went back to his frantic writing.

"So..." Carlisle started. "Are you looking forward to going to college Bella?"

"Yeah," I breathed, I couldn't wait to leave home, but then I frowned at him, "I'd much rather you wouldn't pay for me though."

His laugh and Esme's shocked gasp alerted me to their feelings.

"Don't say that." Esme chastised.

"You're going to college in New York, and moving in with our son." Carlisle placated, "Why wouldn't we help you, getting our son out from beneath our feet?"

"Hey!" Edward exclaimed.

"Just kidding," Carlisle grinned and he looked so much like Edward in that moment I couldn't help but grin back.

The decent part of going to a University down the road from the one Edward was going to is that Esme and Carlisle offered to rent an apartment out for us so that we could live together. At first I wasn't sure because what if Edward brought all these girls home and we argued more, but he convinced me that it would be a good idea because we would see each other less as we were at different schools.

"And anyway, we practically live together as it is." Edward had said, which was true, we were always at home with the other.

Moving in with each other on a platonic level was just another chapter in our lives.

"I'm excited to live with Edward he won't be any bother." I nudged Edward's side and looked at him.

He was glaring at the work surface in what looked like concentration and an uneasy feeling settled in my stomach. Did he not want to move in with me anymore?

I watched his features as Esme and Carlisle prattled on about how fun it would be for us to be together in a new setting. All the while I watched Edward and half heartedly agreed to what they were saying.

When they went back to cutting the vegetables and slicing bread I tried to gain Edward's attention. I poked him in the ribs three times until he finally glanced up.

"You okay?" I mouthed not wanting to alert his parents.

He stared at me for a minute, his hand slowly raised to my cheek and he stroked my cheek gently before nodding and smiling, it was a forced smile, I could tell. Suddenly he grabbed my hand and pulled me off the stool, "Let's swim."

I followed him out onto the patio letting the subject drop; we could talk about it later, after his gramps' had gone.

Alice was dunking Jasper under the water and Rose was on Emmett's shoulders wading through the water. I kicked off my flip-flops and dropping my bag onto a deck chair I pulled my kaftan over my head and let it drop to the floor. I was about to pull out some sun block from beneath my deck chair when two very strong calloused hands worn from playing piano grabbed around my waist and ran with me over to the edge of the pool.

"No! Edward!" I was screaming and laughing at him as he smirked and held me over the water's edge. "Please!"

Then suddenly I was being thrown and falling into cold water. I came up gasping and sputtering for air.

"Edward!" I screeched.

"Baby?" He teased and my stomach did that clenching thing again.

I glared up at him pulling my long brown locks out of my face as he did a belly flop into the water landing perfectly next to me. I attempted to dunk him under, but that didn't work and he grabbed onto my legs dragging me around the pool with him. I splashed and kicked at him, but he never once let go. On a seventh attempt my splashing hit Rosalie and drenched her hair, she got angry and splashed us back causing a huge water fight to break out.

It was really fun and by the time one o'clock rolled around we had played water tag, and polo, as well as chicken clicken', where you're hoisted onto somebody's shoulders and they throw you into the air and you clack like a chicken until you touch the water, whoever has moved the furthest wins. I was tired and ready for a nap by half past one, so I pulled myself out of the water and onto my deck chair.

For the next half an hour I dried naturally in the sun and had a peaceful nap. Running into my bedroom on the third floor at quarter past two I tugged the kaftan off my body for the second time that day and lay it down on the bed; pulling my heels and dress out I observed the design.

The summer dress matched the kaftan. Both Karen Millen designs, the marble flower print was beautiful greens, whites, blues and black, with tints of reds in. The silk dress had removable spaghetti straps that I kept on and it was beaded and wore sequins beneath the bust. The length of the dress reached just above my knees and the v neck emphasised the shapes of my breasts.

I sat down on the bed and pulled the snake skin leather peep toe gladiator sandals with lace up front and back ankle zip over my orange painted toes. Standing up I rose an extra few inches with the elongated heel and experimentally walked a trail from the bed to the door and back again. Running my fingers through my hair and adding a couple of bobby pins to keep it off my face; I looked in the mirror and moved my bikini around so it was less visible and I was ready to go down stairs and meet the gramps'.

Walking into the garden everybody was seated around looking at the gorgeous spread before them. At the head of the table was Grandpa Edward, and to his left was Esme, to his right Grandma Elizabeth. I sat down in the only spare seat, which was in middle of Elizabeth and Jasper, Edward was opposite me and Carlisle was at the other end of the table. Alice was next to Edward and Rosalie next to her whilst Emmett was next to Jasper.

"My, my, aren't you a beautiful girl." A soft voice cooed next to me and I blushed looking up at Grandma Elizabeth. She patted my cheek gently and smiled softly grabbing my hand, holding it in her own, "She's a keeper Edward."

My blush deepened and I gulped down my lemonade.

"Gran!" Edward exclaimed, whilst everybody else chuckled.

"What?" Elizabeth's eyes widened innocently.

"Now stop it my Lizzie, you're embarrassing the poor girl." Grandpa Edward chastised his wife lovingly.

"Psshed," _Lizzie _laughed, "I'm doing no such thing."

"Yes you are she's as red as a tomato." Grandpa Edward muttered.

"That's Bella though, Gramps, she's never a normal colour." Emmett choked out.

"Thank you Emm." I glared.

Everybody laughed and the meeting of the gramps' weren't so daunting anymore. Over the course of the meal we enjoyed nice conversation about how Chicago was and how Emmett and Rosalie's studies were going. Jasper and Alice's final year of school started in three weeks and they made sure they had everything ready.

Just as Edward and I were asked about college and our future plans Edward chocked on his drink and coughed out a, "I have some news."

Everybody turned to him in wonder as he cleared his throat and glanced at each person around him, his eyes settling on his mother and I last. At the pit of my stomach that disturbing feeling rose again and I inwardly told myself to calm down.

"So a month ago I went to the Career Advisors Office," He started, took a deep breath, "I applied for the Army."

My whole world stopped. I couldn't breathe.

I faintly heard Carlisle's, "You did what?"

Emmett's, "Dude..."

Esme's gasp, Rosalie's breath leaving her body and Alice's squeak were faint noises.

"I applied to be a soldier. They accepted and I'm being deployed for training in San Francisco in three weeks."

I felt like my heart was breaking in two. It was being shattered with splintered glass, fraying my already splintered heart. I sagged against my chair.

"If I pass training they want to send me to Afghanistan, and I will be there for six months minimum..."

Six months minimum?

I didn't hear anymore, as loud ringing and screeching was playing a tune through my ears. Glassy tears blurred my vision and I needed to leave.

I couldn't be here, I couldn't listen to this.

My one constant was leaving me. He couldn't bare to be around me either, just like my parents who wish I was never born, just like my grandparents who cut us off when Charlie and Rennée stole something from them. Everybody important to me always left me except the two people I wanted gone the most. Why was he leaving me? What did I do that was so bad? Fall in love with him?

I couldn't be here, I couldn't listen to this.

Abruptly I stood up and through the loud ringing in my ears I heard the crash as my chair fell to the ground in my haste to leave. Blinking my tears away I placed my hands over my ears, wanting the ringing to stop. Needing the ringing to stop.

"Bella?" The velvet voice was soft, concerned, worried, hurt even.

What right did he have to be hurt? He was the one leaving _me._

"Esme," I gasped completely ignoring him, "I'm sorry, I need to go."

"What, why?" Edward asked, shocked, even though I was talking to his mother.

"Charlie..." I muttered they knew I was lying as I spoke the words but they tumbled from me anyway, "Charlie, he has an appointment."

I didn't wait for a reply just walked past the table, ignoring them and opened the patio doors. Placing one foot inside the house a clammy hand encircled my wrist tugging me back into his body.

In a move that shocked me I turned around and listened with hurt satisfaction as the resounding _thwack_ echoed around the garden where I had back handed Edward across the face.

"Don't you dare touch me." I seethed.

The red mark on his cheek was an angry blotch and I could see the outlines of my fingers just before he raised his hand to his burning cheek. He stared at me in astonishment, tears glistened in his eyes, from the slap or the situation I did not know; nor did I care to.

"Don't touch me." I repeated pathetically, a broken whisper as I turned around and fled the Cullen home.

~***(::)***~

Returning home at around half past five without my bag, phone or house keys I picked the spare from beneath the dead plant pot and high tailed it to my bedroom glad that both of the drunks were out.

Ripping off my sun dress and kicking the leather heels off, quickly covering my top half in a light tank top keeping my bikini on I ran to my bedroom window angrily and slammed the window shut, locking it, closing the blinds and pulling my purple curtains across.

When that was done I climbed into my small bed and pulled the covers around me in a pathetic attempt to keep it together. For hours I just lay there in my bed staring at nothingness and thinking of everything that was nothing, anything that kept me from thinking about _him._

I don't know what time it was but suddenly loud banging came from down stairs, it lasted for about five minutes and I received a headache, but then it stopped and I relaxed back into my cushions. Then short scratching took up on my window as rocks were thrown at it and I started to finally cry because I knew exactly who it was.

Incessant knocking started on my door again and shouting began, "Bella Baby!"

I cried harder. Why was he leaving me?

"Baby please come downstairs! I really need to explain why I'm leaving! I need to tell you so much!"

My sobs became louder and I huddled into myself more. I could hear the rattling of the front door and the shuffling of the door mat moving, plant pots being tossed around no doubt searching for the spare key that would have been out there if only I hadn't used it earlier.

"I know you're in there Bella! I can hear you! Please come out!"

I shook my head no, knowing he couldn't see me but not caring either way.

~***(::)***~

Sometime during the constant knocking I had fallen asleep, and when I woke up my throat was dry, a huge lump stuck, dried tear tracks ran down my face and I could taste the bitter saltiness in my mouth.

Dragging myself out of my bed I shoved my rabbit slippers on my feet and clambered down the stairs tiredly, ready to take some Advil to get rid of the nagging headache that still hadn't left me in my sleep.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs I paused seeing a folded piece of paper haphazardly placed through the door. Hesitantly I picked it up. Without unfolding it I saw the bold letters of _Do you want your house cleaned?_ He's written on the back of a leaflet?

I opened the page and turned it over seeing his usually neat elegant writing in a messy scrawl and smudged ink blurring some words together where his own tears had fallen.

Knowing he had cried, made my cries start again. I never liked him sad, he should always be happy.

I sunk down onto the floor, folding my legs beneath me, blinked my tears away and read:

_Dear Bella,_

_I love you so much. _

_I never want you to forget that. _

_I need you to know that I am not leaving you. I'm never ever going to leave you. You'll always be in my heart as I in yours keeping us together forever. I've loved you since the day I threw a tire swing off your beautiful head, and accidently knocked you over. When your little angel face shouted at me I knew then that I was whipped. That I was yours. I'll always be yours Bella. _

_I need to do this for me._

_I've always been 'Just Edward' the middle child._

_Emmett was the school rock star the most popular person around. Who's becoming a doctor just like my father, following in his footsteps. He was always the amazing first child. The Golden Child._

_Alice is the youngest. Always an angel, can never do anything wrong. Straight A* student who could have finished school two years earlier if she wanted. She's daddy's little sweetheart._

_And then there is me..._

_I've always accumulated to nothing. What do I have to say that I've achieved at? Yeah, I can play piano, but what kind of life is that? How can I make a living through that? I'm not talented enough to live just off that._

_And I want to be somebody you can be proud to call your husband. I want to be somebody you can look at and say you're proud of me, for something that _I _have achieved. _

_I'm doing this for me but in the long run it's for _us.

_I really need you to remember that I love you. I've always loved you and being your best friend has been the highlight of my life, but when I return from war, the highlight of my life will be finally holding you in my arms and calling you _Mine.

_I hope you will see me before I leave in three weeks time._

_If you can't I understand; but know this:_

_I am going to write to you so much. No matter where I am on tour I'm going to write to you, and I'm going to tell you that I love you every single time, that I miss you, that I can't wait to hold you in my arms. _

_They say war is the hardest thing you will ever face in a lifetime; but for me the hardest thing would be to know that I've lost you before I even have a chance to have you. To kiss you. To hold you. To love you. To cherish you. There is still so much for us to do Bella and I hope you wait for me as I am going to wait for you. _

_So I'm going to write to you, because you are holding my heart, _you are my heart; _I need you to take care of yourself and to never forget that I love you._

_I'm sorry I never told you and you had to find out the way you did but I hope you can forgive me. _

_I love you Isabella Marie Swan._

_I'm already missing you and I haven't even left yet._

_I can't wait to hold you in my arms again._

_Love Edward xxx_

~***(::)***~

When I returned to my bedroom I opened my curtains and blinds, unlocked the hatch and spread the window as far as it would go.

Returning to my bed I waited. I waited for him to show up. I needed him to know how I felt.

He never did show up and I fell asleep with tears running down my cheeks again.

However when I woke up distinct warmth was placed on my forehead and I felt extremely warm on my side. I placed my arm on the other side of my bed and the covers were still warm. Rising up into a sitting position I scanned the room, looking for him.

Crestfallen when I didn't see any movement I sunk back into my cushions but not before noticing my bag on top of my dresser and the writing on the mirror above in thick scratchy black eyeliner.

_I love you Isabella Marie Swan._

_I'm missing you._

_I can't wait to hold you in my arms._

A smile on my dirty face, I started my day.

~***(::)***~

I never saw him in those three weeks.

I didn't even leave my house. I was frightened. I was pathetic. I wasn't... _me._

Every morning I woke up to my bed sheets extremely warm and lip impressions on my forehead. He was here. He came to see me. He loved me.

~***(::)***~

It was two days before my nineteenth birthday when I got my first letter.

_Bella,_

_God, I'm missing you so much._

_I just want to crawl through your window and hold you in my arm. I can't do that though, can I? _

_I know it's your birthday in a week. I hope you do something really fun, for me. You're going to be nineteen years old, you have to celebrate. Now, your birthday present is with Alice and she assured me that she'd make sure you open it when you're alone. _

_I know you don't like presents but I really think this is something you can appreciate, I know I do. I have one too._

_Anyway, I learnt how to fire a gun today. It was terrifying. I didn't like it at all and they had to bring in somebody else to teach me properly because at the prospect at killing innocent people I freaked out and I would think, what if that were you?_

_I'm not there to look after you anymore. I need you to take double, no triple, extra care of yourself. Pepper spray at all times and if you want it, in my room next to the porn stash under my mattress is a pocket knife. Pocket knife is for emergencies only, they are very dangerous and the last thing I need to do is come home to you in prison, so be careful._

_I know you're sitting there rolling your eyes at me, muttering that you are 'an adult now and don't need protecting.' But it would give me a great piece of mind if you had it, and I know you're going to get it anyway because now you want to know what's in my porn stash :)_

_I love you Isabella Marie Swan._

_I miss you so, so much._

_I can't wait to hold you._

_Love Edward._

~***(::)***~

After searching underneath his mattress and finding the blue pocket knife and his so called 'porn stash' which was just various pictures of me from the age of thirteen when I finally grew some boobs I went down to the second floor and retrieved my present from Alice.

When I returned home and retreated to my room I hastily opened the box and carefully lifted out the locket that was lain inside. Caressing the design gently I looked it over. It was silver and looked very old, a sort of plant slash flower swirled from the bottom to the top of the oval shape. I opened the clasp and gasped at the photo inside.

It was a beautiful picture of the two of us from when we were twelve years old. We had just been to the beach down at La Push when it started pouring down with rain and we ran into the forest for some attempt at cover. We ran so far that we fell into a beautiful meadow. Edward had got his camera phone out and was holding me tightly to his chest and kissing my temple whilst capturing the beauty of the meadow in the essence of the photo.

On the other side of the locket were the words that I guess had become our motto.

_I love you Isabella Marie Swan._

_I miss you._

_I can't wait to hold you in my arms._

~***(::)***~

It was a long torturous month before I received another letter from Edward. I had to hear through Esme that he was based in Afghanistan but not exactly where.

I had started college and was studying English Literature; the apartment was too big for just me so I rented Edward's room out. I accepted the placement of a girl called Angela who was lovely.

_To My Heart,_

_I hope you like your locket as much as I do. They used to be my grandfathers from the Victorian era. _

_I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written. Everything has been so chaotic, I'm now based in Afghanistan and policy says I can't tell you where, but I'm here and I'm counting down the months until I will see you again._

_Six and a half._

_I love you Isabella Marie Swan._

_Missing you._

_As soon as I see you I'm going to hold you so tightly in my arms. I can't wait to feel you._

_Love Edward xxx_

~***(::)***~

For months he wrote letters to me, all ending the same. Always so detailed and always telling me what was going on there. How he was coping with it. It was Mid February just a week after his 'six month minimum' when I got a letter from him that gave me slight hope.

_My Heart,_

_Today was a terrible day. We went into the open field. Laughing, happy, telling stories to each other. I told them about you. I told them how beautiful you were and how incredibly smart you were, and how much I loved you. They laughed and called me a pansy ass but screw them. They don't know _us.

_Anyway, we were driving through a city heading to another camp when a little boy came running in front of the truck. Bombs were strapped to him in every place imaginable. Captain James tried to disable it after clearing the perimeter and calling it in, but it was too late._

_The bomb went off and the little boy died. So did the Captain. It was so horrendous baby, I was so scared. I couldn't stop thinking about you. He had a family you know, a wife called Victoria, three kids. What are they going to tell her? I never want you to go through that, do you hear me? Never. When this tour is over I'll have done my duty to my country and when I'm asked if I'll extend; I will say no. I promise you baby. I can't wait to return to you._

_Two more months._

_I love you Sweetheart._

_Missing you every single minute of every single day._

_I can practically feel you in my arms. Two more months._

_Love Edward xxx_

~***(::)***~

As long as that tiny bit of hope lasted, it soon disappeared. He was due back a week after Easter but he never showed. He never came home to me. They told me not to worry, not to panic, but how could I do anything but? He was my life; nothing mattered if he wasn't in it. He promised me.

~***(::)***~

At the end of May I was losing hope, rapidly fast. I needed him. I wouldn't give up. I promised I wouldn't. He promised me too.

~***(::)***~

_My beautiful Heart, Isabella,_

_It's been so long. Too long. I'm on my way home. I'm coming back to you. A week. That's it. One more week. Seven days.168 hours__ until I can hold you in my arms._

_I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry it's been so long. We lost communications and we lost so… so… many. It's been a hell of a long two months without writing to you. You keep me sane in this other world with no hope, were everything beautiful is destroyed in the blink of an eye, everything serene is turned into utter chaos and ruins. You are my constant._

_I love you._

_I'm missing you._

_I'm going to hold you in 604,800 seconds._

_Love Edward._

~***(::)***~

Seven days. 168 hours. 604,800 seconds.

~***(::)***~

Six days. 144 hours. 518,400 seconds.

~***(::)***~

Five days. 120 hours. 432,000 seconds.

~***(::)***~

Four days. 96 hours. 345,600 seconds.

~***(::)***~

Three days. 72 hours. 259,200 seconds.

~***(::)***~

Two days. 48 hours. 172800 seconds.

~***(::)***~

One day. 24 hours. 86,400 seconds.

~***(::)***~

I waited in that airport with his entire family by my side. We were all anxious and desperate to see him, nervous and excited. Nine months is a long time to go without seeing somebody you love. Seasons change. Food changes. Money changes. Cars change. Life changes. _People change._

I was leaning against a pillar with my head lulled back. Edward was only eighteen years old. That's a lot to see in nine months. From the hundred and three letters he's told me a lot and I'm not going to ask him to talk about it, I'm not going to pressure him into giving heroic stories. He'll tell me when he's ready.

Unconsciously my foot was tapping agitatedly against the floor and I rolled my eyes toward the _Arrival _board. Fourteen minutes. Fourteen minutes. I can do this. Fourteen minutes.

Looking around the people next to me I was eternally grateful that I had such a beautiful family. A family that cares so much. A family that stands by each other no matter what.

"How do you think he'll be?" Alice's voice was quiet, timid.

We all turned our nervous gazes to her. Everybody was silent.

"He will be perfect." I croaked out.

Eight faces turned in my direction, Edward, Elizabeth, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and little Alice. All different features with different textures and lines, but all shadowed with that same look; worry.

I wasn't worried.

"He will be perfect." I spoke more firmly.

Emmett, ever the ice breaker and uncomfortable in difficult situations opened his mouth. "You don't think he is going to be crazy like, do you?"

I was just opening my mouth to snap a 'No', when somebody beat me to it.

"I most certainly don't think I'm crazy thank you Emmett." His voice was quiet, controlled.

Lots of squeals surrounded us as the entire woman in the family crowded him, except me. I watched as Esme threw her arms around him and he stumbled back a step from the force of the attack. He laughed and hugged her tightly. His eyes never left my face. Esme murmured in his ear softly before letting go passing him off to his grandmother. Alice was blubbering and Rosalie joined in, Esme going next.

He was much muscular from when I last saw him nine months and three weeks ago. He was a dark brown, tanned beauty and even from this four meter distance I could see the pronounced freckles covering the bridge of his nose and cheek bones that normally only graced us during the summer. He had dark bags under his tired green eyes and his usually red full pouty lips were chapped.

Wearing his fatigues and work boots he was a man in a uniform. He was _my man _in a uniform.

Carlisle and Edward greeted him, then Emmett juggled him into a massive bear hug and I watched as my beauty tried to hide it with only a little wince. Jasper gave him a firm handshake and patted his back, between his shoulder blades. He winced again. He was sore and tired.

Everybody stood back from him, giving him room as we stared at each other. I planned to be careful when I greeted him, noticing all the pain he had in other greetings. I had really planned to be careful.

Then he opened his arms to me in a wide offering gesture and I... forgot. I forgot to be careful.

I smiled hugely and ran up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist as he laughed gleefully and relieved, hoisting me around his body, holding me to him tightly.

I crashed my lips to his and kissed him hard. He opened his mouth and licked across my bottom lip, asking for entrance. My tongue fought against his for a minute before I willing submitted and we started a languid playful greeting. I explored his mouth, as he did mine, nibbling gently and kissing. His arms around my waist were painfully tight but I didn't care because I finally had him. I had him.

I pulled away gasping for breath leaning my forehead against his softly staring at his gorgeous eyes.

I ran my hands under his tired eyes across his bags and rubbed his cheeks. He hummed contently and snuggled into my touch. I pecked his eyelids and his nose sweetly.

"You look tired." I whispered mournfully.

"Shut up woman," He grinned, "I've waited twelve years to kiss you like that."

I laughed and was only silenced when his mouth fell onto mine again and I moaned when he sucked my tongue into his mouth. I could taste stale coffee and light traces of cigarettes on him but there was a distinct taste that was all Edward and I couldn't wait to taste more.

"I love you." He whispered, still holding onto me for dear life.

A tear fell from the corner of my eye and he lifted one of his hands to gently wipe it away.

"I love you too." I croaked.

He smiled crookedly and leaned down to kiss me softly, just a peck.

"Alright he's been back five minutes and you're already monopolizing his time, learn to share Bella Ella." Emmett whined.

I laughed and ignored him to busy listening to Edward as he whispered in my ear that he loved me, wasn't missing me anymore and that it felt better to hold me than to imagine it.

"I love you." I repeated.

~***(::)***~

* * *

**What did you think then?**

**This is 'T' rated and there is no lemon, however in those ungodly hours of writing this I have a Part II. It's set a month after he is home and is properly healthy, VIRGNELLA x ARMYWARD, tell me what you think and if you would like to see that 'M' rated part.**

**A Rude Scotch update will be this Thursday, finally :)**

**If you read my story 'Three's A Big Number' you should go check it out as I've regretfully put a very important AN up there.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**LaurieLou /hugs**


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